


...And What He Found There

by shirasade



Series: Jace In Wonderland [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Bad Parent Valentine Morgenstern, Episode Related, M/M, POV Jace Wayland
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2018-10-25 22:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10773852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirasade/pseuds/shirasade
Summary: Can Jace handle Alec's wedding? And what happens after?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Follows “Through the Looking Glass” and “Down the Rabbit Hole”, bringing some fundamental changes in Jace and Alec's relationship. An alternate version of 1x12 - "Malec" and onwards.

Clary and Magnus returned without Ragnor, his death lying like a shadow over the warlock. They did bring back the information that the Book of the White might hold the antidote for Jocelyn’s condition. Jace tried to be glad that they’d made progress, but he still felt as if he was being strangled, every breath a struggle as his thoughts kept circling viciously from Alec to his father and back again.

When Izzy tracked him down, he knew it spelled trouble. She’d never been one to stand by while the men she both considered brothers were at odds. He had not expected her to tell him that Alec had been asking for him on the eve of his wedding. “You don’t need me to tell you that there are… unresolved issues between you, Jace, he wants them to be settled.”

“I don’t know, Iz, I just don’t know…” Despite his response, however, a part of Jace stubbornly began to hope that this meant Alec might reconsider. So of course he showed up. 

Only to curse himself for a fool when Alec stared at him in complete surprise before mumbling, “Damn it, Izzy.”

“So you didn’t want to talk to me?” Jace asked petulantly in spite of himself, immediately hating that it came out like an accusation. Predictably Alec didn’t react positively, and Jace turned on his heel, fully intending to leave. So what if his heart was heavy, his stomach churning with nausea at the thought that the next time he saw Alec would be at his _wedding_. He was the son of Valentine Morgenstern - he’d lived through worse. The thought brought back echoes of Michael Wayland’s voice, telling him that to love was to destroy, and Jace stopped short, suddenly certain that leaving now would destroy not only something in himself but in the bond with his parabatai. “Alec, what my father said… You don’t have to say anything; I just don’t want it to change what we have.”

He couldn’t quite make himself turn around, not until he heard Alec’s response, which came with gratifying swiftness: “Neither do I.”

“I don’t know how things got so messed up.” The wry smile they shared lifted some of the weight from Jace’s shoulders, making it possible for him to believe that maybe, just maybe they’d be alright. Not completely, of course, not as long as his own treacherous heart still ached with the thought of Alec’s wedding. He looked at Alec, and his hands wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch. Instead, he walked past him and sat down, burying his face in his palms. “We just got caught in all that drama.”

“For what it’s worth, I know how you feel.” Alec joined him, his presence alone cause enough for Jace to calm down further. “It's like you know what you need to do and what your responsibilities are. And you think _If you follow the rules, everything's gonna be fine._ Then somebody comes along, and... pushes you off that path.”

Each word from his normally taciturn parabatai reverberating in his head, Jace stared at Alec for a moment, then back at his feet, unable to face the wealth of emotions passing through those hazel eyes. “I get it. And I’m sorry, I never meant to be the one who… pushed you.”

“The point is, we're Shadowhunters. Emotions get in the way. And if you get knocked off the path, you have to focus... and find your way back.” Alec’s voice was rough, as if he was struggling to push the words out. 

His meaning was clear, however, and Jace bit back a sigh. He still had to ask, though, had to be sure: “As long as this is what you really want.”

“It is.” Alec still sounded a bit conflicted, but hadn’t Jace just said that he didn’t want to be the one to push his parabatai? And it wasn’t as if he had anything better to offer anyway. So he just nodded, even as Alec added, “I’m fulfilling my duty.”

He got up decisively, looking down at Jace, who hoped his face wasn’t betraying the pain he was feeling, which only increased when Alec asked him to be his _suggenes_. For a long moment Jace didn’t know how Alec could ask this of him, if he could bear having to stand witness to an event that he wanted to stop with every fibre of his being. In the end, however, there was only one answer if he wanted to salvage their bond, and he replied firmly, “I’d be honored. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Me too.” Alec held out his hand to seal the promise, but the moment their hands touched, Jace knew it wasn’t enough. Impulsively, he pulled Alec into a tight hug, sighing in relief when his parabatai responded immediately, arms coming up to embrace Jace. They fit together with the same perfect ease as always, and Jace buried his face against Alec’s neck and just breathed for a moment. He could do this. He could stand next to Alec on the dais when his parabatai bound himself to Lydia Branwell. He had to.

However, when the moment came, it was all Jace could do not to throw up. His fingers, which had unerringly thrown knives since he was 8 years old, trembled when he righted Alec’s bowtie and straightened the lapels of his suit jacket. Alec looked almost as nervous, but he sounded genuinely grateful when he said, “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

“Wouldn’t be anywhere else.” It was both a lie and the complete truth, and Jace’s hands came to rest against Alec’s neck, squeezing lightly. Alec blushed, meeting his eyes, and their bodies swayed towards each other until Jace shook himself and took a step back. He was actually relieved when Brother Jeremiah called the wedding party to order, but when Lydia appeared, looking beautiful and collected, a low buzzing seemed to start in his head, drowning out everything else.

He almost missed his cue, his hands white-knuckling the pillow with the necklace. Then Alec’s hands appeared in his line of vision, golden bracelet already dangling off his wrist, and suddenly Jace felt as if he couldn’t breathe. He looked up, and their eyes locked, Alec’s widening as he obviously took in at least some of the turmoil Jace was drowning in.

“Alec…” It was barely more than a whisper, escaping Jace unbidden, but Alec froze, hands hovering over the pillow Jace was still holding. They stared at each other, Jace completely at a loss as to why he had spoken and what to do next. 

It was Lydia who broke the moment, touching Alec gently and forcing his attention away from Jace. “Hey, Alec. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Alec’s laugh sounded hollow, and Jace almost reached out, only to pull back, scared out of his wits. He was caught, trapped between his instinct and his training as a Shadowhunter, just like Alec, who was visibly struggling for breath. “But… I can’t do this. I thought we were doing the right thing, but this isn’t it. Lydia, I’m sorry.”

Jace gaped in shock, mind racing, barely hearing Lydia’s gracious response, and he only noticed he had moved when he heard a collective gasp from the audience. Alec, too, was staring at him, only not at his face but at the hand Jace had wrapped around his parabatai’s wrist. Under his thumb he could feel Alec’s pulse racing, and he almost pulled back, his brain already presenting him with a million ways to play this off. Except then Alec looked up, and mixed into the fear and disbelief in his eyes Jace saw the tiniest sliver of hope. 

It made Jace’s decision for him, and when he leaned in, Alec met him half-way. 

Their mouths collided, hesitating and awkward at first, only to turn into something altogether different. The world disappeared in the heat of Alec’s lips, the grip of his hands holding Jace to him as if to stop him from disappearing, Jace’s own fingers sliding up to tangle in the short hair at the back of Alec’s neck. They came up for air but fell back into each other, right until they were yanked apart unceremoniously by Alec’s parents.

“What the hell are you thinking?” Maryse hissed, her features an ugly mask of shock and disgust, and a quick look around showed similar expressions on most faces. Even Izzy and Clary were staring at them, obviously as blind-sided as everyone else. The only notable exception was Simon, who was watching with something very close to glee, probably completely unaware of the greater ramifications.

Alec made a noise like a wounded animal, and Jace’s attention at once snapped back to him, nothing else mattering. His parabatai seemed smaller than anyone of his size had any right to, skin ashen as he faced his parents’ disapproval. Ignoring their protests, Jace shook off Robert’s hand on his arm to go to him, gripping his shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. Determinedly he turned to the people who’d raised him, although his voice was hoarse as he blurted out, “It’s my fault. If you want to blame someone, blame me.”

“No. No, Jace, this one’s on both of us.” The fierceness in Alec’s eyes when he covered Jace’s hand with his own washed over Jace like an embrace. Squaring his shoulders, Alec faced his parents again. “We know the Law, and we’re prepared to accept the consequences.”

Jace barely suppressed an exasperated eyeroll at this expected reaction from his parabatai. Not that it seemed to impress Maryse, whose fury appeared unabated, although Jace could tell it was at least partly fueled by confusion. “You have humiliated and dishonored us! You’re lucky if you’re only...”

She would doubtlessly have continued telling them in excruciating detail about the punishments for their crime, but a studiously light voice interrupted her: “Oh my, seems I’ve come at an inopportune time.” Magnus Bane was standing there, shrewd eyes taking the scene in front of him and doubtlessly drawing his own mostly correct conclusions. “Do you think you could postpone this… excitement until after we’ve found the Book of the White and defeated Valentine?”

Relief washing over him, Jace silently apologized to the warlock for any negative thing he’d ever thought about him. With a few choice words he’d bought them time; time to figure out how to deal with the repercussions of their actions, time to tell Alec about the other world, the one that had opened Jace’s eyes and led them to this moment. Maybe even time to see if their bodies would fit together as perfectly here as they had there. 

Following Magnus, they easily fell into step beside one another, hands brushing lightly. Despite knowing that they’d only postponed the inevitable, Jace remembered their motto and couldn't help but smirk a little. As attuned to his parabatai as always, Alec nudged him, shooting him a questioning glance.

“Facilis descensus averno,” he explained in a whisper, and understanding dawned on Alec’s face. Sharing a small, conspiring smile, they joined the others at the table, standing close enough to feel one another’s body heat. No matter what happened, they would not be broken.

A day later Jace was looking back at his desperate parabatai, trying to convey the same sentiment without words as he let himself be led away by Valentine’s men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than the others (and I'm not altogether happy with it, truth be told), but I thought this was a good place for a break. I do have some ideas for my version of season 2 already. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten about this 'verse! We're now in season 2, and things are definitely different...

The moment they stepped out of the portal, Jace stumbled, only just managing to remain upright and impassive in the face of his father’s scrutiny. He didn’t know what would happen, but he did know that he couldn’t show any sign of weakness. Especially not the way the sudden loss of his parabatai bond shook him to his core.

The only reason he didn’t panic was that the bond hadn’t broken, it had just disappeared, leaving him with an uncomfortable feeling of being incomplete, off balance. After the initial shock had passed Jace realized that Valentine must have shielded the ship. Cut off from everything and everyone, Jace didn’t care what Valentine said, he was most definitely a prisoner on board the _Morningstar_. His father put him through a grueling “training” regimen, interspersed with physical torture, but the worst by far was the dead space inside Jace where Alec should be, and no matter how many times he told himself that it wasn’t broken, just interrupted, Jace felt as if he was losing his mind a bit more every day. 

He tried to escape several times, only to end up beaten and bloodied, with Valentine promptly activating his _iratze_ , bringing back memories of a little boy learning to play the piano. All the while his father continued talking, filling his head with poison until Jace began to believe that he truly was demon spawn, born to a legacy of violence and blood. 

That was when Valentine took him to the mainland, showed him the rogue nest of vampires, and for a moment blind rage overpowered Jace, making it impossible for him to feel anything else. When he was done, shaking with disgust and hatred, he looked into his father’s proud eyes and _knew_ that this was who he truly was - Jace Wayland was as good as dead, and in his stead stood Jonathan Morgenstern, heir to the Circle. 

So when Jocelyn Fairchild appeared and aimed a crossbow at him, Jace felt too numb to be shocked, and it was only Valentine’s quick reflexes that saved him. This was the woman he’d gone to such lengths to help, this was his _mother_ , the woman who’d left him as a baby because of his tainted blood, and his father had just taken an arrow for him. The same bleak clarity he’d felt after killing the vampire settled over him, and he barely heard Clary call his name. 

Grabbing Valentine, he made for the portal his father had summoned, only to stop short when shock and fear washed over him, emotions that didn’t originate in himself reaching out to him along a bond he hadn’t even realized had sprung to life again. His head jerking up, he looked around searchingly, ignoring his father’s urgings, and called out, “Alec?” 

Then his parabatai came racing around the corner, and as their eyes met across the street Jace’s legs threatened to give out at the look of single-minded determination on the familiar face. He felt as if he’d been dreaming, trapped in a nightmare from which Alec shook him awake without even touching him, bringing him back to himself. With a disgusted snort, Valentine freed himself from Jace’s weakening grasp. “Last chance, son... Come with me and embrace your destiny or remain and disgrace your honor as a Shadowhunter - and your parabatai bond!”

As always his words hit their target, and Jace wavered, wondering whether it might be best for everyone if he followed Valentine, removed himself and the poison he bore. Except he could still feel Alec’s desperation through their bond, magnified now by the sound of his voice urgently calling his name, and when he looked back, he saw his parabatai shove Jocelyn Fairchild out of the way without so much as glancing at her. Instead his eyes were fixed on Jace, imploring him not to leave him, not again, and the almost startling clarity with which Jace sensed him made his decision for him. He could not go back to a life without Alec, no matter what would happen when the Clave got their hands on him. 

“I’m sorry, father,” he said much more calmly than he felt, turning his back on the look of disappointment and disgust clear on his father’s face. “My place is here, with him.”

If he were a better Shadowhunter, the one both Valentine and the Clave wanted him to be, he would stop the Circle leader from escaping, but there was still a crossbow wound in Valentine’s shoulder that had been meant for him. Although he feared that this was yet another proof of his weakness, Jace let his father walk through the portal and took a few hesitating steps towards his parabatai.

After all the urgency that had preceded this moment, Alec had come to a sudden stop a few paces away, arms dangling, his entire posture screaming of uncertainty. Jace couldn’t stand it, and without thinking he practically flung himself at his parabatai, who stumbled back in surprise but nonetheless caught him securely. Their embrace was a desperate reassurance, and Jace realized he was shaking when Alec tightened his hold and whispered, “I got you, I got you!”

Jace’s racing pulse began to slow, not from his own volition, but because Alec was reaching out through their bond, which was gloriously _alive_ again, consciously syncing their breaths and heartbeats. For a wonderful moment all Jace could feel was Alec, his strength holding them both upright, the relief and joy he felt at having Jace returned to him a bright flame in Jace’s soul, pushing back the darkness Valentine had nurtured. Jace clung to his parabatai and just breathed him in, that comforting smell of pure _Alec_ that never failed to make him feel like home. 

It didn’t last, of course, Alec’s body stiffening as someone approached, and Jace sighed and stepped back, meeting Alec’s troubled eyes with a nod that he hoped was reassuring. The next moment he was hugged to within an inch of his life by an enthusiastic Clary, and after a moment Jace allowed himself to respond, touched by his sister’s obvious relief at his return. _His sister_. The thought was both reassuring and unsettling, reminding him of their shared parentage but also of his tainted blood.

Almost against his will his gaze was drawn to the woman standing a few feet away, crossbow lowered, her face unreadable. Jocelyn had been willing to shoot him, so convinced was she that he was a lost cause, and Jace turned his face away, choosing to focus instead on Alec again. His parabatai was regarding him with a worried frown, eyes flicking between Jace and Jocelyn, as if he knew exactly what was going through Jace’s head. Jace forced himself to smile, and although he could tell that Alec wasn’t buying it, he accepted Jace’s unwillingness to deal with his mother right now, instead asking quietly, “Are you alright? What did Valentine do to you? I couldn’t feel you through the bond - Jace, it was horrible!”

Alec’s anguish was palpable and like a balm on Jace’s battered spirit. No matter what happened, no matter who Jace turned out to be, the depth of his parabatai’s feelings was unquestionable, a cornerstone Jace could rely on even in the darkest of times. Impulsively stepping closer, Jace rested a hand against Alec’s parabatai rune, feeling a tremble running through his parabatai. He didn’t move away, however, maybe even pushed a little into Jace’s touch.

“I never want to miss you like that again - rationally I knew that you were safe, but not feeling you inside me, not knowing if you were alive or dead… Alec, that was worse than any torture Valentine put me through.” Jace fought to keep his voice steady but failed miserably, if the look on Alec’s face was anything to go by. He was dimly aware that there were other people around them, hearing Clary’s angry voice as she talked to her mother and Simon trying to make peace, but when Alec cupped his face in his hands, it all disappeared.

His parabatai’s eyes were dark and serious, making Jace shiver, as he said with all the intent of a vow, “We will not be separated ever again. Promise me, Jace - no more secrets, no more sacrifices!”

Before Jace could find words to respond, Alec’s lips were on his, tasting of love and desperation, and Jace wrapped his arms around his parabatai’s neck and kissed him back with equal fervor. A part of him that had been tense since the wedding relaxed with the knowledge that this was real, that he could have Alec in this way, that it hadn’t been a fever dream or fairy tale he’d told himself to stay sane.

He wanted to stay like this forever, held safely in his parabatai’s arms, trading kisses like promises, but an outraged cry from Clary broke into their cocoon. Lifting their heads in alarm, Jace and Alec moved apart seamlessly, not needing words to assume battle-ready stance, mirroring each other perfectly. However, it wasn’t demons, vampires or any other foe they could fight - instead a group of Shadowhunters was approaching them, flanking a dark-skinned man with a determined face.

“Aldertree…” Alec bit out, explaining in a quick aside, “The Clave replaced Lydia as Acting Head. He’s been after you ever since, calling you a traitor.”

Jace’s blood ran cold at the implications. Was that why his mother had tried to kill him? Because he’d already been sentenced, without a chance to defend himself? Not that he knew how he could, all too clearly remembering the rogue vampires and Valentine’s poisonous words. He would have to live with the consequences, although he desperately wished he could spare Alec the pain of another separation. 

“Jace Wayland. You are hereby sentenced to the City of Bones to await trial for the charge of high treason and aiding Valentine in the war against the Clave.” Aldertree had almost reached them, disapproval radiating from him, and Jace bowed his head in acceptance - only to look up in shock when the older Shadowhunter added coldly, “You and your parabatai, Alec Lightwood, will also stand trial for committing the crime of Eros and violating the Law.”

Next to him, Alec drew in a sharp breath, and before they were forcibly separated and led away, Jace reached out and squeezed his hand in silent apology. His father was right - his love only brought destruction, and now he was going to destroy the one person he never wanted to hurt.


End file.
